Can’t bear another time of too much togetherness with my fiancé’s family

Damilola Ogunremi, aka Darmie O-Lujon, is on her blog weekly to chat with readers about their romantic, family, financial, and workplace problems. An edited transcript for this week's chat is below.
Damilola Ogunremi: Good afternoon. Let's get to it.
Q. Getting All Confused!: My man loves his family dearly. Since we got engaged we spend our free time with dose of them, having every visit resulting in a fight. Nothing I do please his people.  I can’t bear another time of too much togetherness with the family. Their behavior towards me is making me think again if I really want to be married into such an upsetting family. Although the last thing I want to do is to ruin my engagement. What shall I do?

A: Spending time with your husband-to-be’s family helps make your relationship bond very strong. It’s a good foundation for your unborn children. But clearly, I see you all need time to get to know yourselves. That’s what your fiancé is trying to do by taking you with him each time he visits his family. However, you can’t rush or force this process. It has to happen naturally and over the time. To avoid problems any time you visit, do the following.

·         Let him go ahead. Go later. Tell your boyfriend to go ahead of you when it's time to visit, and then join him later. He will set a peaceful atmosphere this way before your arrival. There will be less tension.

·         Establish an exit time. Shortly after you arrive and settle down, explain early in a friendly manner that, you will be visiting your parents or do something else, this way you won’t appear rude when it’s time for you to leave.

·         Share a chore. Don't be aloof. Help in the kitchen or do other chores around the house without going overboard with the help.

·         Avoid the irate.  Don’t spend too much time with the most annoying family member. If you can’t stand his sisters, spend less time with them. If you happen to be in their midst and, can’t be excused, get a distraction. Get a book, read, and talk to them.  If his mother drives you cracker, don’t exchange words with her. Don’t react to everything she does that upsets you. This is not the time in your relationship to be a short-tempered. However, do make a point when need be without appearing rude.

·         Develop a happy exit. Think about all the nice ways you can get your husband-to-be to let you leave from his family house before your usual leaving time. Your man loves his family, but it is uncertain he wants his engagement to break over the ongoing misunderstanding. Agree on how to make this area of your relationship work with the family.

This is all on your end woman. Make the relationship with your in-laws-to-be workout.

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