When Parents Are Ill-Mannered

One of the Ways of Knowing Rude Parents. . .

“Middle Aged Tenant. . .
My neighbor’s water tank was filled to the top and dripping into my bedroom. I went upstairs to their apartment and told them to turn off their borehole machine. Shortly after I got back to my flat my neighbor’s first daughter, a young woman who recently finished from the university came by to tell me I was stupid for coming to tell them to turn off the borehole machine. She said I have no right whatsoever to instruct them. When I reported her to the parents, their response was that I must have been rude to their daughter to have been called "stupid."

“My Comment. . .
I can never allow my brother to marry into this kind of family, because her sort of parents will never give good counsel when she has problems with her husband.”

Having the wrong amount of manners can reflect negatively on your children and young adults.By being polite to the adults offended with your children you show how responsible you can be. It doesn't make you a pushover. Rather you gain much respect of friends, teachers and neighbors. When you are always polite and respectful, you avoid your children some of the misfortunes of life, such as getting into fight, experiencing injury leading to hospital and police case, as well as raising misfits when they become parents themselves.

I know some of you reading this article might say what if my child is right and the adult feeling offended is the real offender. Well if I don’t convince you of the advantages that come to those with absolute good manners, listen to what a parent said when I asked her to describe a time when NOT using good manners hurt her:

A Parent. . .
“I got bitten on the breast. Though the person fighting my daughter got arrested my left breasts is permanently damaged.”

You can see how important it is to apply absolute good manners in unpleasant circumstance whether or not your children is right or wrong. As parents, we should always remember that your goal is to raise well rounded successful children and not self-assured miscreants.

In my much younger years, when my father walks in on me where I’m fighting, he doesn’t ask me what happen. Instead, he turns to the person I’m fighting with to inquire of what the problem is. He would apologize to the person. And that instant I would be the devil to pay for. When we get into the house, I would be so mad at my father for taking side with my offender.

Do you know what my father says to me in this circumstance? “You are my own. That’s how I’m supposed to resolve the fight as a good parent. Whatever you become tomorrow is my gain while this person you fight with must have forged ahead in life.”


I’ve been by myself since I was 23 years of age and now I’m in my 30’s. Each step along the way to adulthood, I’ve looked back to thank my father for raising me well. When an adult hurt me badly, and I say I’m never greeting the adult again, my father would never consent to such decision if he’s aware of it. He would make me see all the advantages of greeting the adult in question. My father reflected good upbringing  then passed it down to me. You can imagine the kind of children I will produce in time to come.

Good manners will give your children and young adults essential tools for life. It is permanent tradition that will never go out of style. What type of seeds are you cultivating? What type of gain will you reap tomorrow? Whether you like it or not your lapses in civility will show up in your children. Learning good manners begins in the home. Start your own now. When your offspring have problems with adults don't react rudely. Being polite doesn't make you a pushover. Deliver an apology on behalf of your child to even the most ill-mannered offended. Then talk to your child on good manners. How he or she can rise above adult's bad behavior.  

If you are ever in the shoes of the above parent, here is what you should say:

Tenant. . .
"Your child called me stupid"

Ask what happened. Wait patiently for the offended to explain. When he or she is done. Don't defend your child. Don't fume. Say you are sorry and mean it even though your child has told you a different story. Remember your personal image matters too. Tell the offended you will talk to your child. Then, have your child apologize later because it is the right thing to do. You may not see the essence of this politeness now, but its outcome will improve your future positively.

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Similar Thoughts on Rudeness and Children 
Emily Post

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© Michaeldb

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